Flip Side

Today I heard someone say that anger is the flip side of fear.

The dark side if the moon just seems more interesting.

Apparently, I’m terrified by my neighbor’s dachsund. Its incessant barking has my fear (of jail) factor maxed out.

My current Amazon wishlist includes, but is not limited to: a grappling hook, a Catwoman costume with a toolbelt, a dog whistle, MacGyver’s field guide to demolition with baling wire, duct tape, & WD-40, and a copy of Caddyshack (an exposition of futility when dealing with bad neighbors).

Lucky for us all that my daughter is smarter than me. I have 2 words for her strategy:

Retaliatory. Violin.

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Grits Are Gluten Free

And if that’s not blog-worthy, I don’t know what is.

Yummy grits in a pretty bowl.

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On the Bright Side

At least there weren’t any orcs on this trip.

Image result for orcs

Bloodshot eyes, thinning hair and a smidgen of murderous rage. The DSM6 says you have a bad case of the Uruk-hai, which is common among travelers in Middle Earth and Upper Skies.

It took me 29 hours to get from airport to airport, I was jarred awake for a 2 am fire alarm, and my bags missed the transfer, but it could have been worse. Much worse.

While it was probably the most dangerous and inconvenient trip I’ve ever taken, I’m happy because I survived.



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Mama Told Me Not To Come

I have a pre-existing condition. I dislike flying in general, and United Airlines (Stroopwaffles notwithstanding) in particular– see 2016: https://oldhwysixwest.wordpress.com/2016/08/12/i-do-not-endorse-this-theme-park

After 2 (two, T-W-O, more than 1) 3-hour layovers (love you, IAH for your work friendly gates; DEN, you and your Broncos can get bucked) culminating in a thrilling attempted mass murder landing in 60 knot winds, we diverted to Fresno.

Where I waited an hour and a half not to get my luggage before booking a hotel that looked close to the airport. The immigrant Lyft driver had been in the country for 8 weeks and when his 2nd question was about my marital status, I assumed that I had escaped a fiery death only to die at the hands of human traffickers.

(Spoiler alert: I survive the ride without incident).

Because booking rooms at midnight is tricksy, I booked a non-cancellable, non-refundable room for the following night AND the hotel is FULL for this night.

I only imagined getting womannapped. The rest of this tale is the unvarnished truth.

But the woman at the counter saw the crazy coming to the surface took pity on me and let me have a room. And a beer becauae my melatonin was locked up at the UA counter.

And I got 4 semi-glorious hours of sleep before I got up at 4 am to get to the airport 2 hours before my 7 am flight. Whereupon I got to the airport to find no flights to MRY from Fresno at 7 am.

Why in the name of all that is now and ever shall be did I bother giving these people my name, phone number, email, and blood type if they can’t send me an alert or notice or something? #technologyfail

If you ever need reminding of how little control we have over our lives, come travel with me.

Fair warning: https://youtu.be/rKaQzQAlNn4

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Soul Bossa Nova

Feeding my soul like a boss with Quincy Jones tonight while I’m waiting on Thing 2 to finish orchestra practice.

Funny. Mention my soul and Livin’ on a Prayer comes on.

That pear sure is mondegreen.

La niña has finished fiddling around and is now doing some home work. She said, “Wish me luck.”

Bonne chance.

“Wrong kid. Wrong language,” she said and I heard her eyes rolling.

Bueno Lucko.

“Wrong. That’s just wrong,” she said and stomped off to her room where nobody’s around to inflict bad Franglish on her.

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Superlatives Squared

We are now boarding our Premium Platinum Diamond Medallion members.

Group 1 is now group 6. But nobody calls it that anymore.

I got a news flash for people: Can’t everybody be first to get on the flying metal box. And I don’t know why they’d want to.

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This is Not That Day

This morning I was working on my job market presentation aka The Antique’s Roadshow when my tablet spazzed out.

I quelled my freakout with some plain, unsalted, multiseed crackers, which is the only thing resembling a carb in my post-Apocalyptic pantry (Yes, there’s Nutella in there, but I refuse to try it for the same reasons I don’t try heroin or base jumping– Leah will kill me).

I truly want to do my best flying squirrel imitation, but I may need to wait until I’m older and have less sense.

After a quick reboot, everything was working just fine, except that when I searched for “Today is not that day,” I found out that Aragorn got it wrong.

It’s like the Berenstain Bears all over again.

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