Become a Lauritarian!

I’ve started my own political party and I’m running a grassroots campaign for POTUS.

please-pick-me-zi427a

I have a single platform plank: STOP MOVING THE DAMN TIME!! Once elected, my goal is to split the difference between Daylight Savings Time & Standard Time and:

stop-this-madness

We have electricity and lights now– let’s stop pretending that a human clock can tell the sun what to do. 

This modest goal (control over time) seems achievable. I’d like to make promises about the economy or foreign policy or infrastructure, but it seems like politicians get nothing done and always need just one more term to achieve any of their goals.

And in the immortal words of the great philosophizer and bro-country superstar:

kenny chesney

Kenny was talking about some chick and tequila, but I think it applies to career politicians.

In the interest of transparency about funds & where they came from, and in keeping with my “time” theme, I plan to sell the naming rights to the months of the year, as well as the days of the week. TacoBell will probably want to snatch Tuesday right up. Poulan Weed-Eater will probably want to give up sponsoring the Independence Bowl for every Saturday in July.

I may go full-on Mayan Calendar and sell specific day’s of the week. I’m looking at you Kentucky Fried Derby Day.

I’m also considering taking advantage of the tax-free status claimed by religious organizations, so I may also be organizing as a church– then your contributions would be tax deductible! This is the thinking person’s party!!!

Sincerely,

The Dalai Laura, PhD

Grassroots Candidate for President of the United States

 

P.S. As a federal employee, I probably can’t run for POTUS, but share this post anyway and maybe we could get Dr. Mark Swanstrom to run in my stead. He’s got that presidential look down!!

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About Laura Alford, PhD

I'm a recent graduate of LSU (PhD in Accounting). In addition to academic research, I also write fiction on Tuesday nights with the Asilomar Writers.
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