In my search for simple answers to life’s more difficult questions, I’ve developed this highly accurate personality test. Yes = 1 point. No = 0 points. I’ll post my results.
2. Are you a dog person? (No. 0 points)
3. Do you love spending time with small children? (No. 0 points)
4. Are you a morning person? Do you wake up full of energy? (No. 0 points)
5. Are you a night owl and only get going after midnight? (No. 0 points)
0 points – Your trashcan is puke green like Oscar the Grouch. You think Maxine is too perky. You’re either very lazy or have a serious medical condition. Your best bet is to find a mountain cave and kick its hermit out. If you need a paying job, then try for a Walmart Greeter (you can comb your hair over the earbuds playing music from your iPod.)
1, 4 or 5 point(s) – Your trashcan is black with a skull and crossbones. It’s impossible to score a 1, 4 or 5. Early morning people are usually dog people, too (2). Or you like kids and cats and stay up late (3). You’re lying to yourself about something. Get psychiatric help immediately.
2 points – Your trashcan is royal blue. People like you and bring you casseroles when you’re sick. You write them timely thank you notes and remember birthdays. You’re probably on Prozac and Ritalin.
3 points – Your trashcan is sunshine yellow. If you’re not already an elementary school teacher you should quit your job immediately. People get you confused with the nun Maria from The Sound of Music and you know all the words to “Sing” by The Carpenters.
If you didn’t find this helpful, then you can break it down like Bob (What About Bob?), who postulates that there are 2 kinds of people in the world: those who like Neil Diamond and those who don’t. Use this to find your tribe (I Am, I Said by Neil Diamond):