Long before Gus Portokalos and his Windex miracle cure-all
There was Mr. Leo Amos and his Epsom Salts Soak panacea:
I had Mr. Amos in the 2nd grade and I don’t know what subject(s) he taught me. All I can remember is that no matter what was wrong, according to him, a soak in Epsom salts would fix it.
Isn’t 2nd grade when we started the TIMES TABLES? Or was it 3rd? It doesn’t matter, because no matter how many times I wrote them, sang them, or flash-danced them, I couldn’t get the 7’s and 8’s. And please, Lord, let’s don’t talk about addition. I can’t add under pressure with or without my calculator.
Which means that I’m TERRIBLE, AWFUL at the BlackJack tables.
I have to take Mark gambling with me to add my cards, and after a few drinks, he gets a little snippy that I still haven’t learned 6+7. (I tried reading his mind to see if I could get the answers that way, but then I had to pop him on the shoulder for ogling the cocktail waitress.)
What this means is that with this gubmit shutdown I’m gonna have to double down on the lottery instead of Blackjack which has the better odds in order to make up any shortfall.
But, I think it was Will Rogers who said that the best way to double your money is “fold it in half and put it back in your wallet.”
Not bad advice. Not bad at all.