Happiness Engineer

That is a real job title, I swear it on all that is holy:

THE HOLY GRAIL: Delicious and Gluten Free

THE HOLY GRAIL: Delicious and Gluten Free


Hang on while I swill some raisins to cut the chocolate cravings that picture instigated….

No, it didn’t work. (I have to close my eyes when I eat raisins because at best they look like some sort of dessicated bug and at worst resemble gigantic roach poop. But they’re full of FIBER so I guess they’re GOOD for me.)

I subscribe to several writers’ loops and a post about websites came across my email. It seems that people are charging $5,000 to create a website. Some of them are “WordPress Custom Sites,” and since WordPress is mostly free I thought maybe this was a business opportunity.

Attempt #1: I went to WordPress and bought a domain name for about $15 and the “customize” option for another $99.  This option gave me the OPTION to purchase more stuff:

  • Customizable themes (way cooler than free ones). Prices from $50-$100.
  • Happiness Engineers @ $50/hour.  (Mark said he was pretty sure happiness engineers were illegal everywhere but the State of Nevada.)

So, after jacking with this for a couple of hours, it became apparent that my “customize” option wasn’t worth jack squat, so I hit the refund button. Apparently they get a lot of requests for this, because you can get a refund if you request one within 2 days.

Lesson learned: This option would cost a computer savvy person about $250 and maybe another couple hundred in happiness engineers, massage therapists, shamanic mushrooms, or trip out West for some combination therof.

Attempt #2: I went to GoDaddy because an earlier YouTube Video Search said something about domain hosting. And I thought I already had that, but it turns out I didn’t. So I bought a new domain name and 1 month of website hosting for less than $23.

And let me tell you now that I should have spent that money on a pedicure. At least I’d have pretty toes.

The Inquisition invented the TOE SPREADER.

The Inquisition invented the TOE SPREADER. (These are not my toes)


A couple of years ago I’d gotten some website software for dummies.  Yeah, I’m the dummy. I fell for their spiel and bought their stupid product. After I spent an hour trying to get a basic site saved and find my DNS or my ISBN or whatever the hell I have to know, then I tried to upload it.

First the wireless crapped out cause the kids are playing Temple Run and MindCraft online. So, I kicked them outside and made them wash my car.

Then it uploaded but wouldn’t open. YouTube said it wouldn’t work unless you clicked the Java button. And by that I assume they meant spill some coffee on the keyboard and call a Happiness Engineer.

I took a break at ate some raisins and a box of chocolate. From 2 Easters ago. It had melted 76 times and was a little chalky, but it was all I could find. And 11:30 a.m. is too early to start drinking, I don’t care what Jimmy Buffet says.

YouTube nerds are most helpful so before learning how to program html, I decided to try customizing WordPress again. And after watching a 2 hour video, I can customize one free theme and it’s practically indistinguishable from the one I’ve been using for 2 years.  Big whoop.

Lesson learned: Option 1 was better. And while this might be a business opportunity, it exists for a reason. Nobody wants to fool with this. Most especially me.





About Laura Alford, PhD

I'm a recent graduate of LSU (PhD in Accounting). In addition to academic research, I also write fiction on Tuesday nights with the Asilomar Writers.
This entry was posted in Children, chocolate, family and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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