August At Last

This morning the sun stayed hidded behind puffy gray clouds, which meant that the temperature was a balmy 75 degrees. The humidity was approximately 110%, making the heat index a reasonable 98 at 7 am.  Perfect for weeding the flowerbeds.

Well, okay. It wasn’t perfect, but it’s as good as it’s gonna get around here until late September, so I jumped on the opportunity to improve the grounds. It’s common for me to use my time weeding to ponder many things, but this morning the sweat stinging my eyes kept pulling me out of deep thoughts.

While visiting with some relatives yesterday, the author Michael Crichton came up, which made me think about story from one of his books where he related a tale from one of his travels. To paraphrase quite a bit:

An ancient wise man was once asked, “What does the earth rest upon?” His answer was, “On the back of a giant elephant.” The inquisitor came back the next day and asked, “What does the elephant rest upon?” The answer was, “On the back of a giant turtle.” And, so, the next day the inquisitor came back to the wise man, who pre-empted the obvious question with the answer, “IT’S TURTLES ALL THE WAY DOWN.”

Turtles All the Way Down

How sad that such a learned man as Dr. Crichton would promulgate such a ridiculous story when he went to such lengths to debunk global warming. It’s pretty obvious that wise men don’t spend much time weeding, or they would have known the correct answer:

The world is held together by a giant neural network of Johnson Grass. It’s the Truth. I dug halfway to China to remove what turns out to be a single 3 kilometer strand of it from a small portion of my yard. Today’s efforts probably shifted the tectonic plates in the Indian Ocean and caused some wave action on the Pacific Coast.

We learn in earth science the layers of the earth’s crust– topsoil, sedimentary rock, hard rock, and magma. This needs some editing for my yard: Level 1 is 11.11 centimeters of topsoil. Substrata 2 is an immeasurable layer of  clay and instant grits forged in the fires of Mt. Doom to a consistency slightly more dense than concrete

I should have rented Mark a jackhammer for his birthday to bust it up. Maybe next year.



About Laura Alford, PhD

I'm a recent graduate of LSU (PhD in Accounting). In addition to academic research, I also write fiction on Tuesday nights with the Asilomar Writers.
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