Say What? Pig Sooey!

The kids and I took a walk in the woods today and saw evidence that feral swine, aka Wild Pigs, had effectively tilled up a large section of one of our main trails. Taking a slight detour off our usual path, we followed a trail leading back to the creek bed, where we observed more rooted up ground and some fresh pig poop.

Prior to taking this walk, my knowledge of sus scrofa was limited to vague recollections (nightmares) of ‘Old Yeller’, the Arkansas Razorbacks mascot, and my friend Patrick’s Facebook page.  To summarize what I have since learned, these omnivores can be big, smart and mean. An unholy triumvirate of attributes, unless you are recruiting defensive linemen.

My 8 year old nephew never leaves the house unprepared.  Outfitted in his weekend uniform of camo gear, rubber boots, backpack with water and rations, metal army helmet, .22 rifle sans magazine, he also carried a BB pistol with which he planned to protect us from crazed rodents, I suppose.  It would be ineffective against such beasts as these ginormas, Russian boars (up to 600 pounds) that are hunted in Texas.
Did I mention that this walk occured only 12 miles from Texas ? Pigs are prolific and likely can’t read, so they may have gotten lost on their way to Arkansas and migrated across the mighty Toledo Bend. Yikes!
So far, I have not seen any outraged news reports over the helicopter hunting of feral pigs, which makes me think this might be an opportunity for a destination vacation.
Or, maybe I could get my own reality TV show: HOG WILD! Bodacious women wearing high heels and camo bikinis stalk and kill wild pigs.  Each season, they compete with shirtless men with washboard stomachs for the grand prize.
It’d be a public service, really. Maybe there’s a federal grant for swine eradication? Just brainstorming to see how a potential problem could be a financial opportunity.  What do y’all think?

About Laura Alford, PhD

I'm a recent graduate of LSU (PhD in Accounting). In addition to academic research, I also write fiction on Tuesday nights with the Asilomar Writers.
This entry was posted in Feral swine, football, Goal setting, Louisiana, Sports and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Say What? Pig Sooey!

  1. Mark says:

    I seriously think that a reality TV show featuring helicopter hunting of hogs and the Hog Wild name is perfect. Camo bikinis vs. shirtless dudes would be the highlight during sweeps week (or maybe the pilot episode).

  2. Laura says:

    It’s my reality show, so the half nekkid men with washboard abs will have to be a staple.

  3. Where does one find a camo bikini?

  4. I like the way your mind works, Laura! I’ll bet a camo bikini isn’t that hard to find!

  5. You will need something bigger than a BB gun to stop a wild pig. My daddy in East Texas used to take a pistol with him when surveying our land, to protect from the pigs.

    In your reality show, be sure to fit in the common expression, “Crazier than a wild boar in a peach orchard.” I heard that more times than I can count.

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