I thought I’d get a jump start on my wish list. It’s not necessarily for next Christmas, it’s more like ASAP. We’ll start with Numero Uno: New neighbors or same neighbors with different dogs. The whole reason I am up late writing this post is because of some #%^& dog who barked for the past hour.
The entire hour, no kidding. Pyscho dog. I hate him/her/it. If thoughts really are things, this dog will be stricken with vocal cord cancer by morning.
Next. #2 is a dog spinoff. I want a robot dog that is integrated with my security system. If the military can have dragonfly sized spy drones, I know darn well the technology exists. Dogs, especially large, loud dogs, are a bigger deterrent to thieves than a sign. A battery-operated dog could patrol a perimiter (think Roomba technology) and could be programmed to differentiate between a squirrel and an intruder. It could recharge on the front porch while “napping,” and other motion detectors would trigger an alert that signals the dog to “wake up.”
These family friendly dogs would not pollute the environment with their waste products, and more food could be grown for human consumption, reducing our carbon footprint. Smaller dogs could combine the furriness of the zhoo-zhoo pet with the intelligence of a Fidget Friend and provide the elderly or infirm with a pet that has a direct link to 911 in case of a fall. Additionally, these cuddly critters would never die,thus avoiding traumatizing sensitive individuals with the loss of a beloved pet.
The third thing on my list is that I want Blockbuster back. Almost 14 years ago, while pregnant, starving and exhausted, I wanted somebody to brave the cold, rainy weather and deliver a movie with my pizza. It seemed like a marriage made in heaven: Pizza chains with slim margins who are ALREADY DELIVERING a product for profit could partner with AILING MOVIE CHAINS to ADD VALUE. Movies don’t take up alot of room (see the redbox) and managers could supplement locally with additional copies of regional favorites. Talledega Nights would be a staple in these parts.
NetFlix caught on to the fact that people are lazy and started delivering movies, but having to subscribe to a service for the privilege to buy a product just bothers me. Plus I don’t always feel like watching yesterday’s movie. Having to wait days for a delivery decreases my already severely impaired spontenaity and reduces my enjoyment of the film.
Getting dinner and a movie in the next 30 minutes, though– that I could go for.
My fourth wish is that Al Gore was as smart as me, because then we’d already have all of these things. Okay, so I wasted that wish. My fifth wish is that somebody important would read my blog and “Make It So!”