Edge Eaters

For a mere $34.99 you can order an All Edges Brownie pan from Amazon.  My question is not why is it so costly, but who would buy it?  One of the best things about my grownup life is that when I bake a pan of brownies, I can, and DO, take the first piece out of the MIDDLE!  (Collective gasping heard ’round the world.)  No damn edges for me.   Or for anybody else in my family, for that matter.  We eat it from the inside out and give the edges to the dogs.

Oh, yes, we give chocolate to the dogs.  They tore their britches with me on that subject long ago.  Last year, I hosted a baby shower for my sweet nephew who will be 1 next week.  ‘Cause the kid has grandparents who will buy him any and everything, I went for whimsy and special ordered personalized M&Ms that matched his room.  This was back when I was working and could afford to blow a c-note on less than a pound of American chocolate candy found at most convenience stores and costs less than a dollar.  It was also before we had confined the ani-mules to the backyard.  UPS dropped off the box, and before I got home from work those *expletive deleted* dogs had ripped through a cardboard box, a plastic wrapper that it takes special tungsten steel scissors to open, and a final plastic bag.  They ate all but 2 bags of those M&Ms.  Worst of all, they didn’t die.  They didn’t even get sick.

So, like the mean granny in Flowers in the Attic who poisons her grandchildren, but lets herself off the hook because she TOLD those kids the arsenic-laced cookies were bad for them, we DO tell the dogs not to eat it.  Just like we tell them not to bark.  Not to dig.  They don’t listen.  Someone suggested a pet psychologist.  For real?  I think we call that a Remingon shotgun up here.  And, while we have fallen out of love with our puppies, we don’t really want to send them to wherever Catholic dogs go when they… go.  So, instead of eating our brownie edges out of guilt for the hungry, we feed them to the dogs, who appear to enjoy them with no ill side effects.


About Laura Alford, PhD

I'm a recent graduate of LSU (PhD in Accounting). In addition to academic research, I also write fiction on Tuesday nights with the Asilomar Writers.
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2 Responses to Edge Eaters

  1. Mark says:

    I know better than to try and eat from the middle. I was about to feel bad for the doggies until you mentioned them eating Gray’s M&Ms. Now it’s to Catholic heck with them, or maybe just purgatory. I hate typing on the iPad. It changed heck to hack and I had to go back and fix it.

  2. Those dogs can suffer in silence (I wish) in their air conditioned dog house.

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