Rural Myths

Most people have probably heard of urban legends; you know, the guy travelling in China wakes up in a bathtub of ice missing a kidney.  Given that half of the country lives in largely rural, “flyover” land, I don’t know that rural myths have gotten their just due.  A myth that grabbed my attention this week is “If you wash your car it will rain.”  I have come to believe that this is either (a) a true statement and not a myth or (b) I possess the magical ability to create rain– by washing my car.  I am 4/4 this summer, and probably have a lifetime average of over 75%.

Another rural myth that I have heard, and one that concerns me, is the”non-rattling rattlesnakes.”  Supposedly, the rattlers have moved up the evolutionary ladder by stepping on some razorbacks.  The story goes that the rattling alerts the feral hog population to the nearby McRattler Meal, and the noisy snakes get gobbled up.  So, in order to survive, the snakes have stopped rattling.  Sounds like complete bull-oney to me, but I don’t really want to get out in the woods and test the hypothesis.  Redbugs, mosquitoes, and big ole cane brake rattlers dampen my scientific curiousity.  The truth may be out there, but I am in here.

The “Up to $500 Fine for Littering” is obviously a myth, a joke, and not a deterrent at all.  If we cannot enforce a law as simple as this, why even bother with the tough stuff?  I’d like to see Green Peace and the EPA go after the jerk who throws out his RedMan tobacco pouch day after day after day on my road.  If the city/parish collected $500 a piece for the 32 of them I picked up last month, we could probably repave the road come September.   If I win the lottery, I am gonna set up some cameras on my road and pay people to sit in hunting blinds and film the s.o.b’s throwing trash out.  Or, I might just move to a private island where there are no nasty neighbors.  It’s a tough choice that I will have to defer until the gazillion:one odds are in my favor.

Until then I will thank the Lord for the rain.  I am also petitioning Jesus, Mary, Joseph, Saints Jude and Rita (impossible causes) for the serenity to accept the trash or the lottery numbers to make the change.  Amen.

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About oldhwysixwest

I'm currently pursuing a PhD in accounting at LSU. I also write fiction when I can (usually 4 am).
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